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Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the March 31st, 2004

AOL Today announced that it is giving away a Porsche to one of its lucky winners – which used to belong to a spammer – as a thank you for joining the fight against spam.
The spammer was last seen at a penile extension clinic buying cheap airfare to go to Europe to buy viagra to bang teenage hotties in his neighbourhood and find everlasting love in the same zip code. The winner , of course, got an automatic penile enlargement – its a Boxster – dammit. Now that is a completely different kind of AOL TopSpeed. In addition to this AOL said that they have also accepted as payments – houses, boats and firstborns as payments. I want a spammer firstborn. He will have a huge penis and a deal on airfare .This is bullshit man. Cause for the last few years I have been fighting terrorism and I haven’t even gotten a coozie from the government as a thank you for fighting terrorism. How about a tax break ? If I gave blood for the 9-11 victims I get a tax break – or a coozie.

Today the headlines are screaming about four foreigners in Iraq whose corpses were dragged through the streets
Deja Vu Somalia. Ridley Scott – get ready to direct a sequel to Black Hawk Down.
Black Hawker Down – the Sequel.
Who are these people who accept contracting jobs in Fallujah ? Thats like putting a hit on themselves . These are the grown up versions of kids that raised their hands on the last day before the holidays and reminded the teacher that she forgot to give homework. The Iraqis are not all yellow ribbons and red-white-blue about the invasion. Hey we blew their homes off . They hang a few of ours that we grossly failed to protect. The Taliban is growing stronger and we keep on putting more troops into Iraq because the Taliban is being taken care of by “our friends” – the Pakistanians. Today about 2000 marines reached Afghanistan to intensify the hunt for Al Qaeda . Thank you Mr. Richard Clarke for proving that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Went to a new comedy room – Roma Cafe – in Davis.
Opened by Eric Miller. Nice room. Congratulations to Mr. Eric Miller for making this happen. Met Tony Diamco for the first time. Liked him and his style. Me , Ray, Ali and Cheese went together. The room was a nice coffee hosue setting. Dominique etc were there and Mike E Winfield. We got paid in leftover bagels. This was apparently Cheese’s first paycheck. Being paid in bagels. Big time standup. Oh I am HAPPY. Realizing the fact that a lot of the people of the world do not even a decent bagel to eat I felt happy. Something is better than nothing. Ali kept on shouting during the ride – Hold On To Your Bagels – which was a lot funnier in the car than now. We are running across county lines with a car full of bagels – Ray.
There was an accident with four dead and poppy seeds and blood all over – Tapan.
I don’t know why these stupid jokes cracked us up but they did. They were at the spur of the momment, topical and our own. Not to mention unusable at any point other than that car – unless you consider these blogs.

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Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the March 30th, 2004

What has been happening in the world lately –
Ralph Nader and John Kerry decided to get together and strategize to defeat Bush.
Hey Ralphie, learn from the last election and STOP being a vote grabber for BUSH. Shut the fuck up and sit down. If you can’t make a last minute deal with Gore there is no chance that you will ever do ANYTHING BUT grab votes from potential Democrats who have a chance of winning against Bush. Ralphie , if you are reading this, take your ultra liberal unpractical ass out of the campaign. Divided we fall, united we stand – your second grade grandkids will tell you the same. If you still don’t believe me go to Bush 1 and shout out the words ROSS PEROT to understand what I am talking about. Stop being a Republican puppet and get the hell out of the campaign ‘for the cause’ as you say.

Condi Rice finally agreed to testify in public about 9-11.
First of all I have a HUGE problem with any finely educated , almost concert pianist , health freak who works for Bush. Testifying in front of the 9-11 panel is nothing compared to the daily connundrum which is your job with the Bush Nazis. Consider this a vacation. The seat is hot so skip wearing panties for the day. Also consider the fact that your bosses are testifying in private before the 10 member committee. This is the typical Republican response to anything isn’t it. Put the cute girl in the hot seat and lets all sit and watch her squirm. Here is a direct quote from 60 minutes “We have separate branches of government — the legislative branch and the executive branch,” she said. “This commission ….. derives its authority from the Congress, and it is a long-standing principle that sitting national security advisers do not testify before the Congress.”
What are you hiding Condi ? What is on your mind ? We want to hear . Let it out.

And while we are at it can you make the gas prices go any higher ?
The heat is on but I cannot feel it as the ticker at the gas pump is going on so fast its blowing breeze like a finely tuned fan . The gas prices have never been higher in the good old U.S. of A and the Republicans are in office. Whats new ? The last time the prices were so high a Bush was President and we were at war with Iraq. Deja Vu ? Not quite – we hate the French now remember . Deja Vu is not an acceptable phrase anymore. I make decent money to not be affected by these prices but I think about Raul the gardner who uses gas in his leaf blower for earning money. I think about Tyrone ,the KFC worker , who uses his truck to get to work and to pick up his kids. I think about Rosa who uses her raggedy ass Chevy to deliver pot to all the stoners she knows and I think about William who uses his pickup to go out and party. Higher gas prices mean more work for Raul, less time with family for Tyrone, more stoners waiting for pot and getting hungrier leading to increased sales of snack food – damn you Republicans , damn you to hell. ANd lastly it means less drinking for William which means he is going to get home just drunk enough to suspect his wife and beat the shit out of her which leads to more stitches in the face for her and increased sales for the Healthcare industry. Damn you Republicans damn you to hell ! Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry announced his plan to keep the rising prices at bay if he was elected. He detailed a plan which would involve applying greater pressure on oil-producing nations to increase production, in a bid to drive down crude oil prices, and to temporarily suspend filling U.S. oil reserves. Good plan Kerry. The last time we tried to ‘apply greater pressure’ on OPEC to produce more oil we were criticized as oil mongers and invaders of the worst kind. Imagine that ! Us worst than Saddam. That sucks. Not that I mind criticism if you can make that gas price counter go back to a buck fifty . And for the record NOBODY “produces” oil unless you are referring to the planet. You just siphon what you stand on and sell it to the ones who consume the most.

John Kerry is running neck to neck with the President as far as opinion polls are concerned. Bush 51 Kerry 49. However Kerry is about 80 MILLION dollars short of the campaign finances that Bush has. Bush 170 Million – Kerry 90 million. Add to it the 270 million that his wife will inherit. Bush 170 Kerry 360. Add to it the 200 million that Cheney has in liquid assest. Bush 370 Kerry 360. Add to it the 180 million in trust funds that Bush has. Bush 550 Kerry 360.