On being left brained and right brained……….

Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 27th, 2005

Being naked is something I did as a child. Endlessly. It was hard for me to keep my clothes on. Mainly because taking them off was easy and I did not have the skills to put it back on and society hadn’t put its shades on me yet. As yet I was primal and to a point innocent (not to the bugs I chased and tried to ‘catch’ but couldn’t – all I am saying is that innocence is relative . A tiger cub killing a small lamb is still innocent to the tigress !)

I remember being outside in our small backyard and playing in mud for hours. In fact I learnt my first script writing in the sand outside my house in Ahmedabad. I wrote a small Java script to capture code from existing websites and put it in my sandbox. OF COURSE, I jest. It was Cobol. Java wasn’t even invented yet.

I was a leftie then. But I wrote from right to the left – like the writings in those Arabic languages. My father hated the moslems and thought I would become one . So he put a glove on my left hand. I wrote by my right hand. My handwriting is horrible to this day. Thanks to the advent of computers I am understandable .

But to this day I wonder if I was just simply left handed then would I have developed the artistic side or would I be a cold calculated left brain thinker . I am reminded of the Nobel Prize winner Roger Sperry’s observation on a patient whose middle part of the brain (the one connecting the left and right) was removed and it was found that he could identify a pencil by the right hand and eye but could not use it and could instinctively use and demonstrate a pencil by the left hand but could not tell what it was. (Both of his hands could jack off himself without a problem- hey after all there is only one true master)

I thank my parents for fucking up my brain function and making me unpredictable – even to myself. Thats one reason why I have been thrown out of many clubs, am writing this at 1:30 a.m. while my lovely wife is sound asleep. I don’t know what I will do next. I may go to bed, watch informercials, blog some more, go and work on my databases, write a letter to my senator , jack off (AGAIN) – hey the wife is asleep and not much I can do about it anymore, write a letter to my senator about crappy quality of infomercials,or ruminate some more. I chose ruminating.

What would have happened ? I just can’t see myself without my artistic side. That is what makes me normal. That is what makes me alive and most importantly that is what makes me HUMAN. I work in the IT field where more and more of the programs are written to act like humans (with chaos theory introduced to reduce the effect of entropy – geeks , nerds correct me if I am wrong ) and more and more humans are expected to work like machines. THis paradox completely baffles me. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT A HUMAN BEING TO BE ANYTHING BUT ? If you destroy humanity at its most elemental level then you are a savage and I salute your savagery – now go back to the jungle you crawled back from and let me enjoy my HBO, Rembrandt and Jenna Jameson (Don’t judge me, the wife is asleep) . So here is the crux of the problem — as the week ends and I go back to the humdrum of the societal chaos sipping my coffee and performing my daily chores of flipping off my fellow citizens on my way to work I am reminded of a time when I was a child . This memory fills me with joy. Also the undisputable fact that most of the children brought up today will go through the same or similar rights of passage and will become (hopefully!!) like me – funny, smug and absolutely nuts.

My wife today asked me a question – “Honey, would you sing to the baby when he/she is in the womb ?” to which I replied “Do you want it to come out ?” but the elemental truth about it is that I believe the story of Abhimanyu who was tought 6 chapters out of 7 of warfare while he was in his mothers’ womb by his uncle . I would not teach my child warfare but rather teach it the values that I hold dear such as cleanliness of mind, essential balance of the universe, the concept of universal brotherhood, the importance of hard work and how to avoid it, and lastly how to be funny ! That being said I don’t care how cute the princess is she is NOT wearing my dresses and my shoes !! Thanks for reading my nonsensical ramblings. Now post a comment.

Love, Tapan Trivedi


Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 23rd, 2005

Miami Dade County Posted by Hello

Miami Dade County Interview

Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 23rd, 2005

I interviewed with Miami Dade county for an Oracle DBA position. Being a tech whore that I am I always keep my options open and hence try to get an interview atleast every two weeks. This time it was Miami Dade county and I SLAMMED the interview. I was their FIRST choice. Also the instability at Cardsystems Inc did not help me try and stay . But wait there’s more. Vitaver consulting – through whom I am going to go to the county told me that I will have to

1) Do a self administered drug test (redundant ??)
2) GO through an independent fingerprinting criteria

Most of all NONE of these two were mentioned in the Statement of Work that we signed and agreed upon. For about 85$ an hour in Miami sounded good but this killed it for me. What would you do ? Please comment on this one .

I am not blaming Vitaver. They are excellent and professional in their conduct and I liked the CEO’s personality. The recruiter was good too.

I am not blaming Miami Dade either. They are technically excellent and professional people.

Mainly I think its one of the procedural mistakes/omissions that I admit even I could make if I was in their position.



Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 23rd, 2005

Hanuman Chalisa Posted by Hello

About Relegion, Creationism , Evolution , Monkeys and Gods.

Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 23rd, 2005

Last night I talked to my mom . She had my astrological chart matched with Mandy’s and they said it is a 25 match which is as close to a great match that you can get. This is according to Vedic astrology. The highest possible match is 36. Anything beyond 25 -26 and you have ‘too similar’ a person. This concurs what our previous astrologer said about us. This is good.

She also said that I have the planet ‘Shani’ on my head right now till August and this means I have to do the Hanuman Chalisa till September to guard me .

I have been doing the joke ‘Relegion is like a big dick – its a really nice thing to have but you don’t want someone shoving it down your throat all the time’ for about 5 years now.

I downloaded the Hanuman Chalisa and intend to do it twice a day. Am I a raging contradiction of sorts or what ? How can I have two separate tracks in my head – both on opposite ends and still actually believe in BOTH of them.

What am I ? Relegious , spiritual , both , none ? Who knows ? Who cares ? I do.

Hanuman incidentally is a GOD . He is also a monkey. I guess this is the power of nurture.

I believe I put myself at the cutting edge of technology most of the times. I have chased projects that have given me the intellectual knowhow to stay ahead of most developments in my field. I have been an experimental guinea pig for several corporations (technology vise) and have helped identify quite a few ‘bug’s’ in the beta releases which they have thanked me for.

Yet at the same time I have absolutely NO PROBLEM going into a chant for a monkey GOD in the middle of what could be a personal cosmic crisis ! I guess when it comes down to it – my well being affects those around me . The ones whom I love . They being Mandy and my peeps. I will do ANYTHING to protect them from harm. And so if the slightest harm can be avoided by praying to a Monkey then so be it .

An interesting side line is that the debate on evolution and creation takes an interesting turn when you make the argument for creationism by saying “Yes, we did descend from monkeys – he just happens to be a God!”. Thats it folks Hindus solved the debate about 4000 years back even before it started !!


Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 19th, 2005

BatMan Begins Posted by Hello

GM discounts – GM Layoffs

Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 19th, 2005

GM announced that they are letting their valued ‘customers’ get the same discounts as their employees have been getting for years. This was very appealing when I also read
GM is laying off 25000 employees by the end of 2008. Today Ford announced that they will give discounts to employees and retirees for selling their cars.

This is IT people. This is IT. This is the mass conspiracy to put the entire Ford employee organization into car salesmen. What is GM trying to say to its employees ? We don’t really need you , we think any bloke on the street is the same as you are AND we will give you 50$ if you refer somebody and you sell a CAR. Essentially you need to perform TWO job functions at GM to be called an employee BUT you could NOT work at GM and still get one of the BEST benefits ever ! To those of you in Detroit – I empathize with your plight. I will buy a bicycle this summer !

Gym, Cooking and other seemingly mundane stories

Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 17th, 2005

We joined a gym. In accordance with Mandy’s equation of marriage (1 + 1 = 3 theres me, theres you and then theres us – really cool! One of the main reasons I love her !). The gym falls under the US part. So we went to the Tucson Racquet and Fitness Club. I admire her tenacity on the Cybex circuit. She kept on going despite the fact that she was very tired. Apparently her first time on the circuit.
Also we went ahead and got a couple of slacks for me. I LOVED the way she fuddled over me and even came into the men’s changing area TWICE ! Mari Gagi!
We went to Mens Wearhouse but after looking at the labels I changed my mind and went over to the Park’s Place mall Macy’s in Tucson. This turned out to be a good choice. We got two Dockers and even one shirt that I am wearing as I type this. These seemingly mundance occasions seem to increase my love for her day after day after day. And night after night after night.

Regarding Batman Begins!

Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 16th, 2005

I saw the movie yesterday when Mandy went to her Astrology class. She took a ride home from a classmate. All I have to say is
“Thanks Mr.Nolan for making the movie grittier like the comic book and destroying the franchise ”
In the latest version Batman is a man who roams on rooftops , often peering into peoples homes with a night vision scope I might add. Pervert !!! Hey if you wanna see a scary Christian Bale rent American Psycho. I saw that movie 5 years back and the chainsaw scene still freaks me out – mainly cause I don’ t know how to operate one !
Katie Holmes – Get ‘in’ with Tom Cruise as soon as possible because if your acting in this movie is an indication of things to come then even Superman can’t save you !

Chris Nolan – Please direct Memento -2 – where Guy finds out that the Topher guy from Matrix is not really the killer (oops!) and goes ‘forward’ in time to once again find the ‘real ‘ killer.

Christian Bale :- Dude one indication that a script sucks is when you need TWO Oscar winners to make you look cool and one of them STILL steals the show.

Morgan Freeman :- Nothing dude ! You are as cool as ever !

Cilian Murphy :- Go fuck yourself ! You don’t look scary at all ! Scarecrow ! You ! Not good puppy , not good.


Posted in Uncategorized by THE Original Indian Comedian on the June 10th, 2005

“A House subcommittee voted yesterday to sharply reduce the federal government’s financial support for public broadcasting, including eliminating taxpayer funds that help underwrite such popular children’s educational programs as “Sesame Street,” “Reading Rainbow,” “Arthur” and “Postcards From Buster.”
In addition, the subcommittee acted to eliminate within two years all federal money for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting — which passes federal funds to public broadcasters — starting with a 25 percent reduction in CPB’s budget for next year, from $400 million to $300 million. ” –

There is a very good reason why I type this in BOLD AND RED ! This is a sign of an anti progress universe. This government is definitely trying to put us a GIANT LEAP backwards. How can you shut off something that started Sesame Street ? GoodBye Burt – Hello HeeHaw!!!

Tapan Trivedi

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