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The Bradley Method of Childbirth….

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the March 29th, 2006

So we are looking at the Bradley Method of childbirth. It is awesome in the sense that it is completely natural. The mother takes no drugs at all. They teach you all these things for the giving birth naturally. And you know the less drugs she takes the more for me !!

We are pregnant now……

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the March 25th, 2006

This is probably news to most of  you guys but…….my boys can swim. We are pregnant now. This is awesome. Right after I found out that Mandy was pregnant, I leapt up with joy shouting – ” I am a superhero, I am the life giver, finally I have a child I can legally acknowledge”. Then the preacher asked me to shut up cause I was disturbing the customers.

I am in shock and awe. How can someone , who up until just recently thought ‘Hee Haw’and ‘Back to the Future’ was hilarious bear the reponsibility of raising a child ! ‘Hey I am not done being a kid myself yet.’ I worked since I was six to support my family and now I want to have fun. But the fact remains that my adapted country has provided me plenty of opportunity to overcome my lowly upbringings and get my ya ya’s out, get my sex number up, get my laid more times than I can count – mostly with women and occasionally with questionable influences !!

 People now ask me are you going to determine the sex of the child ? I say ‘Hell Yeah!I want to know the sex of the child AND the sexual orientation and if he is gay can I atleast pray that he isn’t the bottom !’.

The other thing that they ask me is that how are you going to raise the kid ? Hindu or Christian ? And my answer to that is that my kid is a HUMAN being first. I am going to teach him/her everything that I know and more. I have studied major relegions. I  have read the Geeta, the Bible , the Koran and the Guru Granth Sahib . I can probably take the Talmud next but I just haven’t taken the time.

The point is that I can DO anything I want with the kid but the responsibility is staggeringly hard and I pray to God Almighty to give us all the strength to sustain it. The last thing I want is to be a bad parent. I am worried that I am going to give my kid too  many facilities to make him/her strong . The struggle in my life and my slum upbringing is what made me strong (despite what a few of you might think!!). Most of my choices were circumstantial and they resulted in me getting the strength and courage needed to survive in the world. I have seen way too many kids here go down the ’sheltered’ path and become a bean counter, or a Starbucks front desk or worse – join an improv troupe. What am I going to do ? When I ask experienced parents they say’ Take it one step at a time ‘. I guess that makes sense in a very experienced parents sort of way but it dosen’t do shit for me.

NOW for the best part.

My wife is white. I am brown. The kid is going to be a mix . My house is going to look like a Benetton ad.

They ask me what am I going to name the kid.I will name him (if its a him) Ace. Cause anyone called Ace has to be a bad ass and that way he will be able to protect his little brother Megatron !!

More later on the progress of the pregnancy……

 

 

Minorities in Show Business

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the March 20th, 2006

The sad part about todays’ show business is that minorities don’t have enough representation in proportion to their slice of population. While blacks and Latinos are still seen its really hard to see an Indian guy on TV. How pathetically sad is it that the most famous Indian guy on TV is a cartoon. When we see Indian guys on TV its insane. I had a club manager once tell me that my act is ‘too Indian’ . How the fuck is that possible ?

Thats why everytime I see an Indian guy on TV I cheer for him. YAY !! Then in about two seconds he is gone. To make it relate to you guys let me give you an example :- You know when you are at a beach and you see a breast pop out. You know how you HAVE to look ? Thats how it is when I see an Indian guy on TV. I go all crazy like
‘WOW, Check out the bazookas on that guys shoulders !!
Did you see the nipple -clamp on that guy as he was being tortured ?
Tapan

Wireless Nation

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the March 18th, 2006

The world is geting rid of the wires. One day we woke up and declared a war against wires and I am happy to announce that we are winning. Forget the war on drugs and war on terror – we are losing those. Maybe not all of us but I am down a few ounces. Everything is wireless. If we want to win the war on drugs we should outsource it to the Japanese. Sony got rid of wires in a jiffy. I would not be surprised if every Japanese dick is wireless. The fanatastic thing for me was when they got rid of the wire on the game controllers. Finally I was truly free.

I think the success of the war on wires is what got the government to use freedom as an excuse to wage other wars – sometimes on completely different continents BUT always against brown people.

And isn’t it completely insane that the most nerdy magazine is called “WIRED”. I think a more appropriate name for Wired magazine would be” magazine for people who have no social life !! “

Filet Of Fish has its own website…..

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the March 18th, 2006

www.filetofish.com

I saw this on TV and could not believe it. I had to see it myself. Why does a Sandwich needs its own website ? Its been two years since I have had a website. This is going out of hand. Last night I got an audition call from the Quarter Pounder ! Just the whole God thing came in the way !

Tapan