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Bring your kid to work day….

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the April 28th, 2006

Today is bring your kid to work day. There are little runts running around at the office and I LOVE that. I got candy from the machine and gave to all of them. They love me. Their parents hate me cause I am , in some sense, cooler than them.

Also after lunch I am bringing my wife to work. Well she is pregnant and if they are allowed to bring baby strollers which are essentially baby containers then we are pregnant so I should be allowed to bring my baby container to work too. Just because mine isn’t out of the body yet dosen’t mean she dosen’t count and if that happens can I sue for fetal discrimination ?

Also I saw an Indian guy trying to teach Java Script to his daughter . That is just wrong. She is just three. She can barely manage C at this point. C – the letter not C the language.

 

Fire My Doctor ???

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the April 27th, 2006

So we had an appointment for Mandy’s pregnancy checkup today. We get a call from Kaiser to reschedule cause the doctor called in sick. I think we want to fire this doctor.
After all
You would fire a security guard who gets mugged.
A chef who gets food poisoning.
A stripper who keeps her clothes on.
A comic who isn’t funny.
A techie who posts on his blog on his work time…..

Tapan 

 

It helps if you imagine…

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the April 24th, 2006

stupid people dying interesting deaths everyday. I saw a girl today at Starbucks order a 185 degree mocha and then haggle over the shot of strawberry vs. chocolate. The best part was that she was wearing a
‘When life gives you scraps , make a quilt ‘ – tshirt. Somehow I wished that she would trip on the coffee and it would kill her. Kinda ironic in a very machiavellian kind of way.

Then the guy behind the counter reminded her to double sleeve the coffee – kinda like when you boink with a extra swanky gal you put two condoms on – and I thought that the Starbucks drone came in the way of natural selection.
But thats just me.
After I go please put my ashes in a pinata andgive it to little Mexican kids to beat the shit out of . What do I care ? I am dead.

You know the sick feeling in your stomach…

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the April 24th, 2006

when you are completely helpless and missing out on important shit in life. I got that on a flight from Phoenix to Dulles. To start with the flight was late by 1.5 hours. They assured us that they can make up upto 45 mins on the flight thus the flight being only 45 mins late. The flight turned up being 3 hours (180 mins) late. I missed a gig.

For the first time in my life I wasn’t where I said I would be for a gig. Now every comic has a story and I have a few – its just that this inclusion is a sad one and FUCK YOU to Delta for the same. There’s a reason why they call it

Don’t Even Leave The Airport.

 For the first time in my life – I also used the inflight telephone. Yes, the kind where you can slide the credit card . It cost me 4.29$ to make a two minute phonecall which had they done their job – I wouldn’t have had to make.

 To Kyle and all the other fraternity brothers that had to endure my absence – I am sorry but not much I could have done about it.

 

Sincerely,

Tapan Trivedi

Saw my baby today…

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the April 10th, 2006

and it looked like a Paris Hilton video – grainy image wise. We saw the heartbeat and the little legs and arms and the face – which looked nothing like either of us (aliens impregnated my wife – keep them out of the USA !!) and for a second there I could have sworn it flipped the nurse practitioner off !! I was so proud that the acorn dosen’t fall far off from the tree but truth be told I was happy.
Happy to confirm. Happy to see. Happy to be there for my wife before I leave for NYC today. I changed my tickets so that I could see the little thing .
The Nurse Practitioner (NP) had  a tough time getting a lock on the little thing. They said that the baby was a BIG baby . But it kept on escaping the ‘probe’ – actually  the probe. No need for an apostrophe there. I was glad that it is such a good escape artist .
The sonogram involved the NP inserting what is essentially  a penile shaped object into my happy place on my wifes body . Then since the little thing kept on escaping it was like she was playing a video game trying to get a lock on an enemy combatant’s spaceship. I was horrified. Then I looked at my wife who was as happy as one can be. That made me happy.

Tapan

Racists and Sexists…

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the April 9th, 2006

Today we went to Tower Cafe and my wife , Mandy , who is white made an acute observation. The waiter kept on looking at me while asking for the order, brought me the check and pretty much left her alone….

She said he might be sexist.

 But had he done it the other way paying too much attention to her and not me I know he would be branded a racist.

Poor waiter nobody sees him as who he is , a fairy !!

 

Tapan

Baby Salad

Posted in Baby by funnyindian on the April 9th, 2006

We are members of a website called www.whattoexpect.com . This website gives interesting details every week after week. They give the size of the baby every week in terms of produce sizes.
This week your baby is the size of a peanut
This week your baby is the size of a plum.
This week your baby is the size of a peach.

Now everytime someone says baby I feel like having a salad.