Mumbai Bomb Blasts – The Aftermath – or the lack of it.

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the July 14th, 2006

So the blasts story is a few days old and life – as predicted – is back on track in Mumbai.

A few short hours after the bombs shook the stations the same trains that were blasted started running again and people made it a point to take the same trains to send the message home .

Just like the last time Mumbai flooded the blood banks and around midnight they sent people home saying they had enough blood . Come back the next day. My brother in law went to donate blood but came back with all his blood intact. My sister – an ever hopeful – told him that if he had blood to donate he should work harder at his job and bring in more money .-Typical Indian housewife.

The crowds were back. Mumbai is a city of crowds. The smelly,crushing,not so friendly,cynical,my time is more prescious than your time,Hey watch out for the guy with the chickens on his head crowds. Physical contact which is more than brushing even while crossing the roads is normal. While this encompasses any metro in the world the Mumbaites are different in one respect. They have intense pride . Even though it may be misplaced at times they have always come together in times of difficulties and need.

However I need to point out a few things that are very apparent to me as an Indian.

There are only two nations that were created under completely relegious ideologies :-
* Israel
* Pakistan
While the former has emerged as a force to be reckoned with Pakistan retains its place in the modern world as the breeding ground of well funded , hard lined, brainwashed terrorists.

Fact :-
The majority of Taliban and Al Qaida emerged from the madarasas (relegious brainwashing schools) of Pakistan .
Fact :-
Bin Laden and other terrorists have often crossed the border into Pakistan and thrived .
Fact :-
The ISI , is the largest terrorist trainer in this world.
Fact :-
8 out of 10 Islamic terrorists get their initial and ongoing training in Pakistan.

So why are they our friends ? Wake up America this is the time to act .

Not till 9/11 did the U.S. wake up to the fundamental realization that Islamic terrorism is here to stay within our lifetimes and its best to deal with it head on – Iraq being the glaring exception.

Forget pointing our guns at either North Korea or Iran – Pakistan is the central lattice which is common to the entire Axis of Evil analogy. You destroy the central lattice and watch the dominoes fall.

Tapan Trivedi

Whats in a name ??

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the July 12th, 2006

Depends upon where you are from ? Have you noticed that Indians have long winded names ? And when we meet we introduce ourselves with our first AND last names ? That is cause a name tells you a lot.

The last name usually tells you the region or state where they came from. So when we see a name Patel we deduce , to be on the safer side, that that person might not
1) Eat meat
2) Not drink
3) Like really really spicy and oily foods
(Gujarati characterisitcs)

Or if we have a last name Pillai we might deduce that the person might
1) Eat a lot of rice
2) Be staunchly relegious
3) Wear skirt like garments on men

It is just a code and like all codes this might fail too.

Like if we meet two sisters named Stairway and Heaven we might deduct that the parents may be
1) A fan of patchouli
2) Have a tattoo that they got in the back of a van
3) Hippies

All these may fall flat on their faces and have however it works with amazing regularity in India.


Correct .

The first names ALSO have a hidden meaning.
Every sunsign in Indian astrology has a few letters associated with it and the first name of the child is supposed to start from that letter. Like my rashi (sun sign) is Tula (Libra) and the Libra letters are R and T and I was named Tapan. This tells you the characterisitcs of a person. So in the olden days that also worked. Once again there was a reason for the name.

Names here don’t mean a lot and hence the famous saying of the Bard – ‘Whats in a name ?’ . Ironically a lot of kids today can’t spell Shakespear correctly. Take that Billy !!

In this day and age when domain names cost more than a real name and fights regularly prevail over the same I am tasked , along with my beautiful wife to chose a name for my child. This name that will be so much a part of her identity not to mention name calling . What do we do ? This time the slots fell in my favor. Its a girl so Mandy gets to choose. However I want to give atleast one kid a name after to forgotten sun signs. All the sunsigns have kids named after them.

Aries Check
Taurus Tori
Gemini Know more than one stripper named
Cancer ??
Leo Check
Virgo Virginia , Virginie etc
Libra Libertini etc
Scorpio Go to tattoo parlours and you will meet
Sagittarius Sage
Capricorn ??
Aquarius ??
Pisces ??

The above chart denotes that only four signs do NOT have names associated with them

So Cancer is out of question . Unless she decidedly starts bleeding me out of all my virtues and white blood cells.
That leaves Capricorn,Pisces and Aquarius. As much as I would love to be I am NOT a hippie and hence Aquarius is out of question.

That leaves Capricorn and Pisces. So there is a fair chance that I would name my kid

Capricorn Pisces Trivedi

Not on the birth certificate – on the playa.

Final thought :-
Your name is the only thing that is given to you that is yours and others use it more than you do. Despite the fact that most drones at the other end of the line do NOT get my name right (even if my wife is saying it) I have chosen against taking an American name. It means too much to me. It means someone who was born out of a lot of ‘Tapa’ – meditation . My parents lost three children before they got me. Before my birth my dad chanted the holy Gayatri mantra for 125000 times. They firmly believe that is the reason I was born and survived. I can’t let that get away from me. I may die !!

Tapan Trivedi

Mumbai is bleeding…A note on the Mumbai bomb blasts !!

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the July 11th, 2006

Today the world in the west woke up to a terrible news that the most populous city in India – Mumbai (formerly Bombay) suffered from what is the second most brutal attacks in recent history.
7 trains had bombs set in them which exploded, 3 of them as they were entering stations. Co ordinated, well executed instruments of terror which are sure to feed the media frenzy but going back to the history and strength of the city it is going to be back on its feet in a day.

Mumbai is no stranger to blasts. My sister , who is married in Bombay , actually witnessed a bus blow up about 20 ft high. She ran in the direction opposite to the rush thus getting home in record time all the while clutching my niece, Niyati , who was 2 at the time in her arms. Niyati turned 5 last year and can still recall the ‘boom’ that she saw.

I just talked to my sister for about 45 seconds before the line was cut off and got the news that all of our relatives are back home safely – however my sister’s father in law was at one of the affected stations about 10 minutes before the blast happened. SCARY !!

On May 6th 1994 Mumbai saw 12 blasts in one day within an hour which affected major landmarks like the stock market and several busy markets and killed hundreds . The city was back on its feet the next day. There was one film about survivors that someone made which recounted many survivors of the blast saying ‘They had no idea who brought them to the hospital ‘. There were people on the trains the next day talking about how they put quite a few in the hospitals. One HUGE guys saying he carried 3 people on his shoulders straight to the hospital. No titles at the end of the film. Creative charity.

So as the city where my mom grew up, where I spent most of my summers, where my sister got married , where several of my aunts and uncles and cousins live , lies covered in decapitated limbs and heaps of bodies I have but one thing to say to those who use terrorism as a tool to break minds.


Whatever your cause is – at this point the only thing that makes you tick are the bombs wired to your chest .

The Mumbai trains are the ones that make NYC trains look like a tame dog as opposed to an angry lion. You are lucky if you can breathe. You have to pace yourself to get off the train atleast four stations ahead and then just get in the path of the crush and the crowds will get you out – or in the train. There are no doors. People routinely hang outside and once in a while someone gets hit by a pole and goes down . This is what was attacked. This is the lifeline of the city. The blood, the movement that feeds the chaos that is Mumbai. The attack was cowardly and pathetic and I , for once, would gladly pray for the death of any organization who takes responsibility for this – even if its Babies R Us.

Tapan Trivedi

Assorted Thoughts on Gay Marriage,War,Summer Barbecues and Pot

Posted in Uncategorized by funnyindian on the July 6th, 2006

On Gay Marriage :-
I wish that they don’t change the laws on gay marriage and I wish that my kid turns out to be gay. That way I don’t have to pay for the eventual HUGE EXPENSE of the Indian wedding that she will demand.

War :-
I think all wars should be fought and won the same way all of us fought our first war. Not cowboys and Indians that came later.
The momment we decide to invade another country we should pull out a HUGE rope and throw it into that country say Afghanistan and challenge them to


Then pull the shit out of that country cause they have weak and malnourished people. This would install the fear of God in other countries.

HEY NORTH KOREA !! Stop with the nuke building .Remember how Iraq rolled in mud when we pulled the definitive last tug ! Remember how the Afghans sat calmly defeated and got only Blue stars . Hey they don’t give out these GOLD stars for nothing you know !!

On Summer Barbecues :-
Every time I go to a barbecue this summer there is someone who says ‘Hey Tapan – look we are eating your God ‘ That someone most probably is a Christian and I let them go cause I once went to a Church and they offered me not only a liberal part of the Body Of Christ but also his blood. I will see your body part and raise you a glass of blood of your saviour. Let him/her counter with a glass of milk cause everyone knows a wafer and vine beats steak and milk anyday.

On Pot :-
Talking to a lovely lady at a certain hot tub party that we were at she made a statement that said
‘If I put all the money I spend after pot towards a retirement fund I could retire in 5 years.’ .This surprised me as the last time I checked you could GROW your own pot and thus make it free . Get that retirement account. Paying for pot is like a beautiful woman paying for sex …….There is a reason why they call it WEED. It grows almost ANYWHERE.